Kenshin has been aloof. From the moment I walked into the room coming from the communal bath to my efforts to engage him in light conversation as I sat brushing my hair on the futon, he would not give me more than Yeses and Nos.
It was not pleasant. In fact, it was horrible. The day had not been an easy one. 12 hours on a train, being hauled off to a strange man's room, almost getting raped, waiting in the police station, I could at least expect some sort of tender loving care from my rurouni. But now, with both of us bathed and ready for sleep, he wouldn't even come near me. He just sat by the window, staring out in the street that was still rather busy from the festivities.
After running my brush through my hair for the seven hundredth time, I've had enough and decided to come out with it. "Are you angry at me?"
He paused, not even turning to look, then he replied. "No…yes."
He is and he isn't? What the hell?!?! "What--Why? What did I do?" I asked, quite perplexed.
There was another pause, and I can see by the angle of his face that he was bereft of expression. "Yes because you refused to be protected and no because you refused to be protected."
That has cleared nothing up as far as I'm concerned. "Well that settles it," I said somewhat sarcastically. I was getting a bit irritated.
"You know," he said, finally facing me. "I've…I've had to deal with a lot of things in my life. I know you understand this…you and I, we’ve been through so much, together and separately. In the same manner you've built defenses to help you cope…I have my own obstacles."
Kenshin…
"I lost about as much as I can bear during the war, and because of that, I swore that as long as I was around, I will keep safe the ones I love. I…I want to be the one to protect you," he continued with deep intensity. "I suppose I could be unreasonable when it comes to that, but only because it is important to me that I keep this promise. I'm angry because sometimes, you wouldn't let me protect you, but then I know I shouldn't be angry, because I could not fault you for believing in yourself. I keep telling myself that you'll always need my protection, but that just isn't how it is. You helped yourself when Gen-ichi tried to hurt you, didn't you?"
I frowned. "Are you blaming me for what happened with Gen-ichi?"
Kenshin shook his head emphatically. "No. No, Kaoru. I am not blaming you for that. None of it was your fault. What I'm trying to get at is…I want to protect you, but I have to accept the fact that it couldn't be that way all the time. I'm angry because I couldn't always control things, and basically I'm…" He sighed. "I'm taking it out on you because you're the one who made me realize this."
It's funny what goes through Kenshin's head. He's so wrapped up in his concern for others, me in particular, that he's confusing himself. Dear, sweet man. Dear, sweet Kenshin. Only he could be angry with me and still manage to intensify my affection.
"So, have I earned your trust, Kenshin? That I'd be able to take care of myself when the situation calls for it?" I asked him.
He nodded slowly. "When the situation calls for it, I will trust you, but if I can help it, I will always protect you."
I smiled at him. "That's a good enough compromise for me."
He took a deep breath and he tuned out for a moment, pondering to himself.
Troubled over nothing, my rurouni. Does he not realize that what he is feeling is basic human nature? Does he not see that in spite of my protests to his actions, my reluctance to being totally dependent on him, I actually appreciate his concern?
Do I really have this effect on Kenshin? Complicating his thoughts when the simplicity of it is staring him right in the nose? Oh Kenshin, Kenshin…you are spoiling me, dearest.
This will not do. I can’t let him do this to himself.
"Kenshin, get over here," I told him, patting the space beside me on the futon.
He looked at me uncertainly, not stirring.
"Come here, silly," I said, chuckling.
Gingerly, he crawled to my side.
The moment he was within reach, I cupped his jaws in my hands and kissed him tenderly on the lips. His astonishment took but a second, and upon realizing that he liked this surprise, he began to kiss back, placing his thumb on my chin as if coaxing me to part my lips. And so I did, letting our tongues caress each other in gentle flicks. It felt wonderful, especially when he thought it best to pull me closer in his arms.
When we separated we were breathless, and I couldn't quite believe how this man could make me feel so much love and desire in something so simple as a kiss.
I'm not sappy. Not normally, but it wasn't so much the feel of his body so close to mine as it was the thought that he could and would ignite passion in me because he loves me, and because I love him.
Nestling my head under his chin, I sighed happily at the pleasant warmth of our embrace.
I felt his fingers running idly through my hair as he placed a loving kiss on my forehead.
His gentleness conveys a kind of carefulness I did not expect, as if I was some sort of fragile virgin. It will not do, of course. I ought to remind him that being virginal is the last thing I'll ever be in this life time, and that whatever reservations he may have in touching me should be discarded in view of the circumstances.
Placing my lips against his throat, I rolled my tongue over his skin and grazed my fingers against the fine lines of his chest, tracing muscles and scars in delicate precision.
He hissed, more like the sound of one affected than annoyed, so I continued my ministrations, earnestly wondering where it would take me.
I was surprised when he clamped his hands around my wrists and coaxed my straying hands from off him. Looking up at his face, I asked myself whether it was possible that I had offended him. Maybe…he doesn't want a woman like me. Used too often…
He smiled, alleviating all of my fears when he let his lips claim mine, then rasping his teeth against my chin before pulling away. So enamored was I with this maneuver that I had not noticed how he had directed both of my hands on my back, holding them there with his own.
It was my turn to hiss. I've never been so aroused by incapacitation in my entire life.
"Your hands," he said, his voice taking on the baritone I had fantasized about a countless number of moments. He kissed me several times on my neck, and I shuddered every time I felt the velvety stroke of his tongue. "Your hands…are roguish…"
I closed my eyes and a moan escaped my throat, pushing myself higher against him with my knees, tilting my chin up for more of his kisses. I barely knew what I was saying when I replied, "My hands…are the least of my roguish attributes…"
He gasped my name, like he was shocked, but not at all deterred by it. "You don't know what those words do to me," he murmured, pulling me even closer, directing me to straddle him because there was no other way to be nearer to each other.
Placing my lips close to his ear and biting slightly at the lobe of it, I smiled to myself before whispering that I knew exactly what it was doing to him at this moment. He groaned, unable to deny my words.
He couldn't, not with the way I was pressed against him and the way his body, or should I say, "body part" was betraying him.
I still had my hands behind my back, he still held them, and not that I didn't like it, but if he wanted to play, I would have to know. So I told him in a soft, seductive tone that if he wanted to use his hands, I promise not to move mine.
Unexpectedly, he stopped, looking up at my face. He seemed…struck, and I was afraid that I had ruined things with my own lack of inhibition. Slowly, his hands slid up my elbows, coaxing them over his own shoulders.
"Kaoru…" He said while I pulled my eyes away from his gaze in shame. "Have you ever…been loved by a man?"
My brows knotted and I began to pull myself away from him. He held me, preventing me from doing so. Why is he asking me that? Does is matter to him all of a sudden? "You know I've been…" I said somewhat bitterly. "I'm sorry if that--"
He shook his head and hushed me softly, planting a tender kiss on my lower lip and biting gently, as if to prove the meaning behind my words wrong. "No…no, that's not what I meant," he said. "Just that it seems to me…that no one has cared enough to touch you the way you want to be touched…"
This astonished me. "I…but you…"
"This is not about me tonight, Kaoru," he whispered, kissing my throat and flicking his tongue on the hollow of it.
I purred and practically passed out at the overwhelming heat his words brought to my body. His tone a seductive alto to my heightened senses.
Oh he liked that purr. He really did, and he made me know it.
"Tonight you will know how it is to be loved by me," he said in sweet assurance, intensifying his ministrations.
I sighed, a small smile creeping up my lips as I tightened my embrace on him.
Kenshin, with his soft, warm lips caressing my skin, grown sensitive with anticipation, was every bit as erotic as I fantasized he was. I could feel his need, his grip on me strong but assuring a loving touch.
His hands slid to my sash and I felt him tug at the knot. The slight impatience that tempered the maneuver coursed a longing in me that demanded to be sated, and looking down at him, I led his hands to where he had to pull. He loosened the belt, removing it from my waist in deliberate slowness.
Oh God, this honeyed torture is almost making me dizzy. He knows this, but even as my climbing passion grew to an aching sweetness, I knew that he does all this for me.
Lifting his face, I kissed him yet again, our tongues meeting languorously while I let him loosen my robe. Even I felt the heat radiating from my body as my garment fell open, free from its bindings.
His hands slid under the cloth, one running up my waist as the other spread flat against the small of my back, as if to secure me. The firmness of his hold gave me an inward shudder. I always knew my rurouni was strong, but to actually feel it in this manner…I moaned at the sheer boldness of it. With arousing confidence, Kenshin cupped my breast, massaging it gently while his lips continued to worship my throat.
My head rolled back involuntarily, moaning as I closed my eyes to savor the strokes of his tongue and the luscious press of his hand. How does he know so well what I like?
I let my fingers comb through his soft hair, holding him to me as he further coaxed my near unbearable willingness. His mouth traveled to the valley of my breasts, his hands incessant in its ministrations, as if relishing the liberties I was allowing it.
Oh rurouni…if you continue like this…I can die now and be happy.
I gasped when I felt him suckle, his tongue almost a torment with the delectable way he was using it. I whimpered, biting on my lower lip to forestall a cry that he seemed to want to taunt from me. The sigh that escaped him only added to the delicious agony.
I could not help but call his name. Sliding my hands up the lapels of my robe, I pushed my clothing completely off my shoulders, leaving me naked in his arms.
Slowly, he pulled his lips away to look at me with his smoky gaze. There was a catch in his breath, but I could not be certain what it was for. Did he like what he was seeing? Am I enough to call his lust?
Before I can even begin to feel self conscious, he caught me in his arms, cradling me as he settled me down on the futon, whispering that he had been dreaming, fantasizing about such moments as these. His words were intensely stimulating, and it was a welcome reminder of his masculinity, that as a man he needed to see, as much as he needed to touch. He murmured praises of me, and I felt delectably beautiful…desirable because of it. I wanted so much to please him, but his voice…the ruggedness of it, suggested that he would do the pleasing until he could no longer insist upon it.
The sounds of rapture rolling from my throat made him groan, telling me in whispered words that it was pushing him to madness. Oh! He even knows what to say!
Settling back on the futon, I gave him a sensual slink, raising my knees and sliding my foot up the back of his thighs. His gaze could have scorched me on the spot, his fingertips gliding up the side of my leg while he watched me intensely through the veil of his hair.
"Take off your robe, Kenshin," I said, almost pleadingly as I rasped my nails lightly down the exposed skin of his chest.
I heard him suck his breath through his teeth, and the corner of my mouth twitched slightly upward. My rurouni has a taste for a bit of rough loving, it seems, but that would have to be explored at another time, because he captured my lips with his in a heated lock.
The contact was seething, and I helped him undo the sash of his robe, my hands pushing off the cloth from his shoulders. The way he tossed off the robe, almost with disdain, send unholy tremors through me, and thus unhampered, he ran his fingers through my hair, tilting
my chin up for an even deeper kiss. My chest molded to his, hot skin pressing upon skin.
When he broke away, I could not help but protest, lifting my head from the futon to try and continue the sensations. Discerning my reluctance of the separation, he touched his fingers to my cheek to stay my mild complaints. That same hand, so delicately touching me, trailed to my chin, and then my throat.
I let out a sigh, reaching out and gliding my own fingers down his arm until I came upon his wrist, where I grasped him.
A slight smile tinkered at his lips and he did not resist. This man, who can physically vanquish me, fine and tone muscles evidence of his strength, was letting me lead him. Allowing me to let me show him what I needed, because he had promised that this would be for me, and that he swore complete devotion to me on this night and perhaps the nights thereafter.
Lowering both our hands down my body, I led his palm to my breast. He squeezed lightly, and I indulged myself a moan, writhing feebly at his touch. The catch on his breath was apparent, and it sent another surge of excitement through me. He began to plant open-mouthed kisses on my jaw as he continued his gentle massage on me.
My neck arched, and he worshipped my throat, because I had offered it to him.
Persisting upon my navigation, I led his hand to my navel where he ground the heel of his palm lightly, but impatiently. The low growl from his throat and his insistent exploration of the slope of my stomach pushed me relentlessly to my own limit, but the power to tease was too irresistible, and moaning, I did not even realize that the corner of my lips have curved upward in satisfaction.
His breathing became labored, and he groaned, biting lightly at my chin. "Kaoru…" he murmured hoarsely through his ragged breathing. "You are relentless…"
"Aren't I?" I whispered back, lifting my knee to his side languorously.
He seemed desperate, and turning his head, he placed a hungry kiss on the inside of my leg, cherishing my skin with his lips and tongue, unable to stop a guttural moan.
Oh! Kenshin, no matter how much you have surrendered control to me, you still have me completely at your mercy!
I craved for him, and it was as much for me as it was for him when I let him touch the center of my warmth. His fingers moved immediately, stroking me as he leaned forward to kiss me gratefully on my lips, my jaw, my chin…I could hardly comprehend anything amidst my moans of ardent approval.
He was wonderful, and I could not believe that I had not yearned for this lavishness before. My rurouni…so seemingly innocent when he smiled and held me before, is now so passionate, sensually so.
I began to utter his name in a frantic pitch, and I could barely comprehend as he told me how he could make the experience richer, more luscious than I could have imagined.
He stalked lower down my body and hitched my leg on his shoulder.
My smoldering eyes met his, and I knew what he was going to do to me, and oh how I wanted it! Needed him to do it. I trailed my toes up is back, raising my other knee as I did so, crying out when I felt his tongue tasting me at my core.
Suddenly feeling unfettered I lost myself in his erotic caress, delving my fingers through his hair while my moans began ascending to an uninhibited wail. I did not care if my cries rang out through the room. I did not care if anyone heard me, because I could not stop, I could not restrain myself.
He went on, his hands clasping my hips to keep me in place.
The build up was ruthless in its crescendo, and with the sensations battering me, my back arched in a profound climax.
I called out to him as the relentless surge of passion engulfed me. It was the most glorious feeling in the world, and all I wanted to do was surrender to it completely. It reverberated through my entire body, and I could scarcely believe that one could feel this way, like every pore, from my head, to the tips of my toes, had come alive, bursting with intensity. I savored this blessed sensation, until gradually, my peak dwindled to a close.
Slumping on the futon, I gasped for breath while he rose above me, my knees still on his shoulders.
I ran a hand through my hair and closed my eyes, trying to find words to describe the awesome sensations. "M-Mou…Kenshin…it was never like that…" It was the absolute truth, and his earlier words seeped into my consciousness. No man had cared enough to love me the way I wanted them to. Only Kenshin…making love to me, not because it was some sort of reprieve for me, not only because he believed I ought to be loved this way, but because he wanted to. The depth of it almost made me heady with intoxicated need. Desiring more of it, and hoping that I could return the gift.
Delicately, he ran his hand up my leg, kissing my thigh. "It will always be like that…" he said. "I will take care of you from now on."
My eyes saw the love and compassion gleaming from his gaze, and I could tell…make out that it pains him to think that no one had cared enough before, yet he was satisfied that he had been the one to bring me to the experience. The possession in his voice, the way he made his vow in an extremely personal…intimate manner, and the need in me climbed.
His grip glided up my leg, his palms grasping the front of my thighs, and it brought me to a sudden state of renewed readiness. I stretched alluringly for him to see, coaxing him closer to me, telling him without words what I wanted.
He answered my silent summons, and he pushed his hips forward.
When I felt him penetrate me, my gasp mingled with my moan of pleasure. It was exhilarating, and I saw his eyes close momentarily in savored bliss.
Lowering his hand to the futon to support his weight, he began to move, thrusting to a steady cadence while he opened his eyes, watching me with hypnotized fascination.
The amber flashes in his pupils did nothing to dispel the vehement flush of fever within me.
I could tell, oh I could. He liked seeing me impassioned, relished the way I pushed back, encouraged me with intimate words. Call it arrogance in his part, call it pride, call it whatever you want, but it was sending luscious pulses through my body, and I would in no way reproach him for that.
Tell me what you need, Kaoru, he said in a low, rumbling tone, and for the life of me, I could not deny him.
It was enchanting, the way he rocked into me, his head dipping forward as he groaned with my cries of bliss.
This erotic exchange seemed so deliciously unrestrained, yet I set the pace. His sharp intakes of breath, the tightening of his grip on my thigh…it was all my doing, and I did demand for more.
His pace quickened, intensifying as I cried out even louder in approval.
The control he gave me was addictive, and when he began to whisper that he wanted to hear me like this, that his fulfillment was dependent upon mine, I completely lost it.
I screamed, my body arching in a spasm of gratification. The release was near blinding, and it was even more phenomenal than when he first brought me to near oblivion. But this time, as the sensations of culmination left me, he did not stop. He went on with stalwart resolve.
The way he had refused to give the slightest bit of pause, plunging insistently like a man holding on for dear life, incited in me ungodly passions. Sweat broke out of my skin, astonishment and anticipation bounding together in a frenzied mix of emotions.
He pulled my legs off his shoulders and bent forward to slide his hand beneath me.
I embraced him, noting with great satisfaction that his back was slick with his own perspiration. Unable to help myself, I scraped my fingernails down his skin, not the least bit gentle. He groaned in what I took to be encouragement, and he buried his face on the hollow of my throat, his tongue rolling out hungrily to taste.
Lifting me partly off the futon, he continued his torrid rhythm.
I wrapped my legs around him as he moved, and he murmured his approval of it.
Assured that I would stay close, he slid his hand up my spine until he had it clasped around my nape. He kept whispering my name as he kissed me between breaths, lavishing more attention on my throat and lips.
He pushed harder, rocking against me in an ardent cadence.
It was amazing how he could pleasure me like this, relishing in what I needed. I want to make him happy. I want to be able to push him to the edge as well, but right now, he was bringing me to another exalting oblivion.
The waves of fulfillment descended upon me, swallowing me entirely as I threw my head back and screamed. His whispered rapture over my gratification, intensifying the experience, and I almost passed out at the ecstasy of it.
I brought my knees to the futon and let my hips rock sensually to receive him. He groaned, taking the cap of my breast into his mouth.
Lowering my head, I bit softly at his ear, moaning and murmuring how well he was doing by me.
I told him, begged him to lose himself inside me.
He raised his lips, trailing kisses under my chin while he moved. "Yes Kaoru…soon," he breathed. "I must hear you again."
Insistent still, to coax me to my pinnacle.
But the way he thrust into me, the tight grip he had on my hips as I swayed in sensual harmony to his rhythm, proved too much for me to bear.
I climaxed again, yelling in unhampered fervor. Oh, it was so powerful that it almost knocked me unconscious.
So caught up was I in my delirium that I barely noticed his satisfied smile. I will get him for that.
It is time…I gave him what he deserves.
Descending from my peak, I gathered my breath and gently pushed him to lie on his back. He couldn't resist, but he held on to me, bringing me with him.
Kenshin, so adamant to deny himself something he knew he would not be able to endure. If he can be stubborn, then so can I. He will not win this battle, not if I can help it.
Taking a deep breath, I summoned my will and pulled back my hips. He moaned in complaint, his own hips conveying his aching urge to keep being inside me. But I was determined to impart some measure of the lingering sweetness he had given me. I hovered above him, pressing my hands against his sweat-slicked chest, then bending down, I ran my tongue against his rippling muscles.
He groaned, coaxing my face up so he could kiss me. Grinning slightly, I obliged him, but before he could savor the tangling of our tongues, I pulled away, extracting another objection from him that caused him to raise his head, as if to chase my lips with his.
Mercilessly, I gently placed my hand on his jaw, preventing him to pursue further, and he could only close his eyes in silent resignation. Lowering my body upon him, I rubbed my center against his manhood, eliciting from him a tormented sound. He squired, his eyes pleading as he began to return the touch by the slight movement of his hips, as if he knew he had to resign himself to it for the moment, and that this would have to do for the time being. The touch was affecting me as well, and I knew that I myself could not maintain this slow taunt.
My dear Kenshin…this won't take long.
Tracing my hand down the fine bumps and lines of his shoulder and arm, I clamped my hand on his wrist. Slowly, I guided his hand to my hip, and his immediate grip on my flesh conveyed his tortured need. His other hand, I guided up my body, to my breast, and I did not even have to tell him what to do. His gentle massage was ridden with longing, begging me wordlessly for something he knew I was going to give him.
Deliberately, I impaled myself on him, and he emitted a slight yell that coursed a bolt of heat right through me. I whimpered, relishing the sensations of being rejoined. I began slowly, swaying to a leisurely rhythm that made him moan and hiss in impatience.
He tried, with his hand, to set a faster pace, but I would not let him. I intended to make this linger, to almost make him believe that I wouldn’t, because I wanted him to appreciate it to the fullest, see him unravel completely at the seams when I allowed him to let go.
I want the torment to be a honeyed taunt, sensual enough to make him lose all control.
His neck arched back and his hands slid up to cup my face, pleading me with groaned words to heighten the cadence.
It was getting difficult to dismiss his entreaties. This tease has not left me unaffected, and I found myself complying with his petition.
Both his hands were now on my hips, directing the pace, our moans mingling, his eyes closing, and he was already pushing back.
Rocking my hips to meet his thrusts, I reached out to touch his face, whispering for him to open his eyes and look at me.
When his gaze was upon me, I made certain to move enticingly, give him something to see that would push him to the edge of his chasm. He watched me, enraptured, unable to look away, and the thought that I could captivate him so sent tremors of excitement through me, building sensations within me in an unstoppable torrent. Before I could stop myself, I crested that blessed arc, writhing above him while I screamed.
Mere seconds after my climax, he gave a loud shout, pushing rabidly up against me, tensing. His neck arched, eyes shut, fingers digging into my flesh almost painfully, Kenshin finally lost himself, succumbing to my ministrations while his groan rang out in the room like the sound of a man defeated, but willingly so.
It was almost empowering, the satisfaction I derived from its intensity.
Never have I experienced anything like this before, because Kenshin was the only man in my entire life who loved me enough to let me conquer him.
I could not have dreamed how exhaustion could be this beautiful. Wrapped in his arms, both of us still recovering from the incredible way we had completed each other.
Nothing could possibly compare to the sublimity of it all.
Our breathing steadied, and I finally reclaimed the strength to speak.
"Kenshin…you were wonderful…" I told him in a subdued whisper, delicately tracing the scar on his face with my finger. Giving so much, practically asking nothing in return. He was so true to his promise, that it would be all for me.
I indulged myself a mischievous smile. I would have to turn the tables one of these days, but right now, I just wanted love the way he was loving me.
He was still panting through his lips, but the corners of his mouth curved up slightly. "You make it sound like it was all my doing."
I blinked in surprise, and then I chuckled. "You silly man, it was all your doing!"
"Of course it wasn't all my doing," he said, pulling me closer as he nibbled on my ear. "And I will insist upon the point, so there is no use arguing with me. Hush."
I rolled my eyes around. "Mou! Stubborn man," I responded, to which he gave a slight chuckle.
"You are tired," he then told me in a soothing voice. "Go to sleep, love."
Now that he mentioned it, I suddenly felt a heaviness come upon my eyes. I sighed in contentment, snuggling against him as he pulled the sheets around us.
"The nights are getting cold," he murmured. "Autumn is setting in."
"Yes…" I said drowsily. "But not tonight, ne Kenshin?"
"No, not tonight," he agreed softly, kissing my forehead.
From below the window, we heard a faint wisp of a drunken song, about mountains and cherry blossoms in the spring.
Though sung without thought or consideration of a tune, it was lulling, and slowly, I drifted off to sleep thinking that as long as Kenshin and I were together, nights would never seem as cold as they used to be.
End of lemon…
Author’s Blurb: So what did you think? I thought of doing a Kenshin version of events, but then, that might be too tedious. Besides, I asked my male friends about how they would write a sex scene, from a man’s point of view, and they all pretty much told me the same thing, that they’d have a lot of banging and four letter words in their narration. While I in no way have any faith in my guy friends' lemon-writing abilities, I could certainly sift through the crassness and understand that though men certainly could love a woman while having sex with her, they generally viewed "making love" as a sexual experience, less the fluff. So, since I can’t really pretend I know what goes on in the male psyche while they’re doing it, I think I’ll leave the Male-Point-Of-View sex to the men for the time being.
